First Two Questions Overlayed on Maslow's Hierarchy
You know, it’s a real shame. What is the very first question we all learn to ask? Of course, it’s “What do I want?” From the very moment we come out of the womb we start to ask for something we want. We cry because we are hungry. We cry because we are wet. We cry because we are tired and want to be rocked to sleep. In fact, it might be said that the only thing we do is ask (cry) for things we want, except when we don’t want anything.
As we get a little older, we learn to talk a little and immediately start telling mama and dada what we want in a little more detail. This makes it a little easier for mama and dada, and they comply by giving us most of the things we ask for. Granted, at this stage in our lives, we only really want the things we need to survive and be comfortable. Those familiar with Maslow’s Needs Hierarchy will see that we only really seem to want the needs that pertain to the lowest two levels, which I call the survival and comfort levels. As we get a little older, say pre-school age, we really start to get into the third level, the relationship level. As you can see from the chart, up until this point in our lives, we are only addressing the question “What do I want?” That’s OK, while we are children, but when we are adults, it’s another story.
The problem is that once we become adults the first question we need to be asking ourselves is “Who am I?” Unfortunately, we’ve been very well trained to ask “What do I want?” and not well trained in asking “Who am I? This is where Maslow breaks down. His theory is that you can only move on to the next higher level of need after all the ones below it are fulfilled. Unfortunately, it’s all too easy for many people to get stuck in the comfort/survival levels constantly trying to fulfill an unfulfillable need. What do I mean by that? Look at the chart. Don’t we all know people who are wasting their lives in the pursuit of food, sex, recreational drugs, money ( a proxy for all the other “needs” we can buy), or companionship? These are people who either haven’t yet answered, or have an inadquate answer to the question of “Who am I?
I’ve already given a metaphysical answer for “Who am I?” that works for me and informs the more prosaic answers to that question. I believe that answering the question of “Who am I?” is the single largest pursuit of our lives. John Ondrasik, the man behind Five for Fighting has it exactly right in his song The Riddle
There’s a reason for the world.
Who am I?
How should we answer the question? Clearly, I’m not talking about our name. That doesn’t answer it. We need to understand what traits we will value as we lead our lives. More on this and how it interacts with “What do I want?” next time.
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